Monday, March 1, 2010

Anger


We had a Relief Society dinner the other night and while we were there, we had a guest speaker that came and spoke to us about Family Relationships. A topic that all of us need some lessons on-I am sure. He mentioned a few things that I really felt that I have been benefit ting from since he spoke that night. The first thing that he talked about that I appreciated was a story that he told about a tree in an isolated area where a tribe of people wanted to remove the tree from close to their homes. They were creative in their method because they didn’t have advanced heavy duty equipment to remove the tree. They believed that if they woke up every morning and gathered around the tree and yelled as loudly as they could at the tree, the tree would die. Eventually, the trees roots broke down and it fell. He spoke about how sometimes we do this with our loved ones. I especially thought of my children. This morning, for instance, I managed to yell at each one of them before they left our home. I yelled at Mack because he continues to try to escape the house in the morning with his new vest on and it is too cold to JUST wear a vest. I am not sure why he continues to try to get away with it without me noticing… Calli asked me if I had a baby picture of her to take to school 2 minutes after she should have already been out the door. Quentin was playing solitaire this morning when I reminded him it was his morning to do the dishes and he continued to play numerous games before I finally had to raise my voice to get him to come and do what I asked (highly unusual for him-but happening more and more now that he is a teenager!) So I have not perfected this practice-but I do understand that if I continually yelled at my children like that everyday-all day, their roots would crumble and their spirits would die. I am definitely going to work on this. I got angry at all three of my children this morning, but after they left, I thought about exactly what triggered my anger. Another thing that this gentleman spoke about was that anger is an emotion that never stands alone! It was interesting for me to hear from him that anger is always brought on first by another emotion. Fear, sadness, frustration, and exhaustion, are just a few examples that he gave. The times that I have been angry since I heard him speak, I have stopped and wondered what brought on my anger. It has been an interesting exercise for me to do. I have been able to pinpoint the other emotion really quickly and nipped that emotion in the bud instead of continuing to be angry and lashing out at someone. This morning, I was first disappointed in one of the kids and then it just snowballed from there. I was also in a hurry because I was trying to get out of the door as well to get to my sub job. This afternoon when I get home, I am making an assertive effort to complement each on of my children at least three times to try to repair the roots I may have damaged with my angry that was brought on by my rushed disappointment.

5 comments:

Livin' the Dream said...

Very insightful post, Becca. I know when I get angry there are always other underlying emotions..like unhappiness or frustration. I heard someone recently say women have lots of dresser drawers and when one opens, they all open:-)

Nicole said...

Inspiring.

Ranay said...

Great post. I've been trying to do the same. Each time I yell, the thought "I just broke down their spirit" comes into my mind! I love the three compliment thing to build back up- I'll be trying it! Thanks.

Meek Family said...

I had the same thoughts after that talk that I was breaking the spirit of my family members by yelling at them. Something I'm trying to work on as well.

Kass said...

Anger was a big topic at the Marriage Retreat Mick & I went to. It's interesting that the triggers are the thing we should watch for. But-Yes-so much more positive needs to go into those kids vs. the negative. Cool picture & you are one amazing Mom :)