Dad

Blessing # 18 DAD

On Sunday, near 6:00 p.m., Dad finally left us to go to the other side. We are sad to have lost him, but at peace that he is at peace. I am happy that he is no longer in any pain and excited for him to join family members that have gone before him. I have invisioned him many times jumping for joy to be free of pain and to be surrounded by all the people that he mentioned numerous times that he was excited to see and other that he was anxious to meet! I am sure that there were people there that he did temple work for and so ready to thank dad personally for that work. Dad had been super prepared and had all of his matters in order and so we are just following the plan at this point. We call him the cruise director. He was always good at making plans and following through in an organized manner. It has been special to be surrounded by all of my siblings and helping mom go forward with dad's plans. It is definitely bitter sweet. There are moments that we cry, but most moments are spent reminiscing and laughing about happy memories. Mom is an angel who helped my dad through these past years that he fought this great fight. She was always by his side and dong what she does best-taking care of dad. He is going to have to learn to take care of himself without her. He will miss her-I know that for sure! She is being so strong and I love her for setting such an example of strength and enduring to the end. I know that there is more enduing to come-but after watching her this last little while, she can handle it and do so with flying colors.

The viewing is tonight and the funueral is tomorrow morning. I am sure that some emotions will flood our family in the next couple of days. I shed quite a few while I was preparing my talk for the funueral services. I am excited to tell everyone about the amazing man that I know. They will have all known him in their own ways too. I have recieved a lot of phone calls, cards, and e-mails that I have appreciated so much. I hope that I can remember to thank all of you individually. Thank you so much!! I have felt much support and concern from others at this time and it has meant a lot to me. More than I can express.

Dad, I love you, I miss you, I hope that I can be the person that you taught me so well to be. Please watch over our family and build mom a big mansion in that sky! Until we meet again...

Blessing #18 DAD

http://www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=249149&fh_id=10831

Blessing #17

This morning after I put the milk in the pantry and the cereal box in the fridge, I decided that I needed to blog about something totally mindless today! I am extremely behind on my blessings for the year too. So.......Peanut Butter and chocolate! I love you! When I get to heaven, one person I would like to meet is the person who first put peanut butter and chocolate together for all of us to enjoy in our earthly bodies! THANK YOU!!!! My husband has been getting healthier lately, and this might seem like a contradiction, but he is craving sweets more. Almost every night, he either wants a candy bar or ice cream in some form. He brought me something home from DQ the other night that is almost too sacred to mention-but it is their new Nut 'n' Fudge Waffle Bowl Sundae. If you like pb and choc, you should try it....HEAVENLY!!! I don't think that I breathed while I ate it!! One night, we were at the convenience store and I saw the Reese's section all together and although it took me while, I chose one of these scrumptious candy bars as my treat! Of coarse if Jeff is having a treat...I need one too! This combination has helped me through some really tough times lately. I know that food shouldn't comfort me, but I have to tell ya that it does!!!! Blessing #17-Peanut Butter and Chocolate! YUMO!!!

Quick Update

It has been so long since I have been blogging regularly! I know that I have mentioned that my life is just different right now-so I guess that means my blogging frequency suffers as well-but I had a moment this morning so I wanted to do a quick update on things that have been happening.

Mack's Field trip to the Zoo

What a crazy fun day! I was one of the first "hot"days of the year and then it instantly got cold the next day and so we were blessed to have the great weather. It was a fun day. At the school, I got put in charge of the craziest group of boys that you can imagine...Mack got to ride the bus there which was a "trip" in itself. He got to see a baby camel fed by a bottle, pet and brush the goats, see a snow leopard (which at the IF zoo-if you get see him is a good day at the zoo-he's usually hiding), the lions, the tigers, zebras, and some really entertaining monkeys. Interesting fact: Did you know that when a baby zebra is born, the baby and mom stare at each other for hours memorizing each other strips so that they can identify each other. That is how they tell each other apart...it isn't the smell as you might think. Isn't that sweet?
Family...Family...and more Family!

We are having a lot of fun with our family coming in from out of town. It has been so much fun! One weekend my brothers Jon, Joe, and Ben came to visit and we all went to the sand dunes. It was such a blast hanging out with my family and just doing something fun. We also had family pictures taken with everyone. Pretty special because it may be our last with daddy. It was quite fun too and I just love seeing the pictures. I think of that saying "All Because Two People Fell in Love"! Dad and mom, look what you did!!!!

On Memorial Day weekend, Jeff's brother and family came to visit and we had a nice visit with them. The boys went golfing while the girls went shopping, we ate lots of food, had our annual greedy game that we usually play at Christmas but not everyone was there in Dec, watched the annual family movie, went to visit Galen's grave (his Birthday was Saturday), and a lot of fun was had by all! It was special to remember Galen this weekend on his birthday weekend and on Memorial Day. Over and over again, I keep thinking how much fun it is to have everyone together, no matter which side of the family it is. Family is amazing, special, essential, and it is no wonder that it is part of the plan of happiness!
Mack's Graduation!

Last but not least...Mack graduated from Kindergarten the last week of school (Hallelujah school's out!!!) and the school and teachers did such a great job putting it together. Mack's Dad, Mom, and Grandma Nelson were able to attend. My mom and dad were missed dearly. They had the kids march in to the gym to the graduation march song and then they sang songs and presented the kids with their diplomas and a little grad bear. One of the songs that they did was the Hokey Pokey. They were asked to go and choose someone from the audience and we were betting on who Mack would choose and sure enough, he chose dad. Thank heaven! It was so fun to watch my boys put their back sides in and shake them all about!! They had spots for us to take pictures and then refreshments afterwords. We got some pictures with mom and Dad, Grandma, the principal, and his teacher, Mrs. Koehler. It was a fun and special way to end that year.

Lately...

SO...my life is different lately. I had a friend say to me recently when I said that my life isn't "normal" anymore that she has decided that the older she gets the more she has to adjust her "normal" more and more. I thought that that was good insight. The same friend told me that she is always surprised at how much our parents were able to keep from us while we were growing up. Who knew when you were a child that rough times were going to come? It is our job as parents to protect our children from some of the harsh things in life, but I wish in a way that I was more prepared and was more on the up and up about things of life that could happen. I guess that no one can really prepare for some of the things that are happening in my life right now. One thing that I can always count on is the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. It is consistent. It never changes. It helps me handle the bumps along the way.

I feel a little glazed over and not sure how I am existing right now. I will be listening to something one of my children are saying and I find myself asking them to repeat what they said because I was totally not listening the first time. Then, I have to make a conscience effort to listen the second time. I looked up at Quentin on the stand on Sunday and wondered when the last time was that I sat and just talked to him about what was going on in his life. I feel like I am just surviving right now. I pray that everyone around me will forgive me for "checking out" and let me back in when things get a little more smooth. If I am not over at mom and dads, then that is all I am thinking about while I am away. I try to forget and distract myself...but it doesn;t work.

I am making things sound so grim. I guess that losing a loved one does that to you. However, this time is just a short moment in the great scheme of things and I am so grateful and feel privileged to be able to participate so actively in what's happening with my father and my mom too. My adorable, precious daddy is dying right before my eyes. It is hard. It is time consuming. It is ALL consuming. It is special. It is sacred. I know that I will look back on this time and be grateful that I had the time that I had with him. He progressively gets worse everyday and we have been waiting for "the moment" for weeks now. The doctor and the Hospice nurses have been saying "any day" now for a few weeks and it is frustrating that he still has to struggle along with my mom. However, I thank Heavenly Father for each day that he gives me to say I love you one more time and kiss his skinny bald head. The other day, I told him that I loved him and he said to me; "Not as much as I love you!" I will treasure that forever. He has said a lot of sweet things to everyone and the hugs and kisses that he gives my mom...no one would ever doubt his love for her nor their love for one another. It is precious and I am glad that I can partake in so many moments.

He has gotten a little confused and not as lucid as he used to be. The other day, he had a hard time signing one of his books for me. I don't even think that he can read anymore, but there are those few moments that the old dad comes back and makes a joke or remembers something from the past that he brings up, etc. He is being called to the other side and no one knows when it will happen. It is on HIS time table not ours. He's ready, and moms ready, we are all ready to see him go and start a new mission that he has in store. I know that when he is gone, we will have new emotions that will arise, but look back fondly at the memories that we are still creating.

Yellowstone

I forgot to pack my journal and so I am putting some of the memories of our trip on my blog so that I have somewhat of a record somewhere.

May 4th: We packed the van with a mattress and enough supplies for the three of us for a couple of days. Dad layed comfortably on the bed in the back all of the way up to West Yellowstone and read the whole time. We arrived at the hotel and got dad out into his wheelchair and he just grinned ear to ear and did a couple of wheelies in his chair which I then caught a couple more on video later. He took a big whiff of that mountain air and I think that it did him some good. He has been saying for a while now that he just wanted to get to Yellowstone one more time. Here we are! We got dad settled into bed with the remote in hand and left on a food quest because we were hungry. Everything was closed or sit down and so we ended up getting salads from McDonald's and went back to the room to eat with dad. We settled in pretty early to bed.

May 5th: I woke up in the morning to my parents talking quietly. It reminded me of when I was a girl and I would wake up in the morning and hear my parents in the kitchen talking to one another. It was one of my favorite sounds and favorite memories from my childhood-it still is. I heard my mom say this morning, "Guess where you're going today?" and I heard my dad giggle like a child. He was so excited. We got up and got ready and then went to eat breakfast. I thought that he was doing really well until he wheeled back to the room and promptly lost what he ate. We ventured out to the park with dad sleeping on the bed in the back. We kept trying to talk to him and wake him up but he just wouldn't. He was so groggy and tried to open one eye every once in a while, but couldn't. Mom and I drove to Old Faithful and sat in the car for quite a while before mom finally went to the back and tried waking him up. He did wake up, and wanted to get out of the car-which is why we went there...there was just one minor problem, precipitation! All the way into the park, there was rain, snow, and hail. It was still raining when we wanted to get out, but it's why we were there and so we followed instruction and got him out! With all the gear that we had, we got out and started walking. It would stop raining for just a minute or so so that we could enjoy the walk a little more and mom and I got quite a work out pushing dad a long the path. It was beautiful and I will treasure today even with the rain. When we asked him if he was ready to be done, he kept pushing forward. The only thing that made us turn around was the big pile of snow that was on the path that we couldn't push his chair through. We saw a lot of geysers, hot pools, blue birds, an eagle, a ground squirrel, buffalo, and buffalo poo! We got back into the car and drove around to find some lunch. We stopped and ate at the Grill and dad kept asking me if Jeff was meeting us for lunch and if he drove the other car with the kids. I know that he is getting close. He is so disoriented sometimes. He slept he entire time back to the hotel and then for 4 hours after we got back. I slept too and mom read her book. When I woke up, I asked mom what she wanted to do and she said that she really wanted dad to wake up and so we tried to wake him up and started talking about dinner. He perked up when I said Pizza and so started my quest for pizza in an "off season" West Yellowstone. Every place is closed! I did finally find some and brought it back to the room and is tasted pretty good. We enjoyed dinner together and then mom asked him if he wanted to get in his jammies and he said no-he wanted to go for a ride. We hopped in the car, with dad sitting in a seat. He sat down and said that the seat was ingesting him. He is saying the most funny things. He has always been a joker and so sometimes I see that joker in him. He emptied a bag of souvenirs, faked throwing up...ha ha very funny dad-and we were on our way. We drove a few miles towards Bozeman, saw an eagle, turned around and asked if he was done and he asked to drive back into the park. So we did! We drove a few miles into the park and the sun was setting and we saw a swan, more buffalo, a bull elk with a large rack, some geese, and another ground squirrel. It was fun to have him awake and commenting every once in a while. We got back and he got ready for bed while I talked to my family on the phone. I have to admit...It was nice to say good bye to Jeff as he was breaking something up in the back ground while trying to get Mack to bed. I am kind of on Vacation. It's wonderful!

Pirate Ship Quilt

As if I needed another project-let alone a project that intimidates me like quilting....I bought this pattern the other day while I was with my mom that convinced me that I could do this (and that she would help me)!! I am going to make it for Mack's bed for his "new" room (if I ever get around to finishing it)!! Isn't it soooo cute?

Today while I was scouring over the pattern at McDonald's waiting for Mack to finish his lunch, the girl that designed it came up to me and told me that this was her design. If you would like to peek at some more of her designs, check out her blog at www.sweetandshabbydesigns.typepad.com I fell in love with everything of hers!!!