Blessing # 19...Reconnecting

I have been reconnecting with a lot of people from my past lately thanks to Face book! I have enjoyed it a lot. There are people that I didn't really know that well that have added me as a "friend"??? but there are people that I have been able to get in touch with that I have wondered about for years and have been able to reconnect with and find out some cool things about them that I would have never guessed about them. I have really loved it! I have to admit that I limit myself to checking it just a couple of times a week because I could totally get addicted to all of this. I already have my blog and I am not sure that my family and my YW would appreciate suffering from my negligence to the more important things in life. With that being said, I have this amazing friend that I had lost touch with for many years. Well, let me rephrase that...we send Christmas cards every year, but haven't spoken and haven't seen each other for YEARS!! Kathryn Weaver Tomany. I think that the last time I saw her was in Boise at her wedding reception before I even had children!! That is not ever going to happen again because reconnecting with Kathryn has been amazing!!!!! I loved her from the day that we met when I was just turning 12 and her big sis was my YW leader and Kathryn came to stay with her sister in IN for the summer... we hit it off so quick!! We had a lot in common and reading her blog has reminded me of how incredible she was then and still is! I am so grateful for her and grateful for the way that she touched my life then and now again with her sweet life experiences that she shares on her blog so many years later! My children did an exchange with their Uncle Jon this week and so I had his daughter with me and he had my boyz down in Utah and when we exchanged today in Ogden, I decided to go and see my long lost friend Kathryn. It was as if we were 16 again! She looked exactly the same (minus the poofy bangs)! Beautiful as ever inside and out. Instead of us doing flips off the diving board, talking about gymnastics, bugs in our cups at girls camp, the hippest music, the New Batman movie with Val Kilmer, and the cute boys in the FW ward, we were talking about potty training, Binky's, the loss of a beloved child and father(s), our husbands, siblings, houses, jobs, all of the grown up stuff that we could think of! It was so much fun to follow through with the "reconnecting" Thank you Kathryn!! So~Here's to reconnecting with those we have loved and who have touched our lives. With such uncertain times for all of us, isn't that what is most important? All of the people in our lives that have touched us in one way or another. What would we do without each other!!!??? Get in touch with someone you haven't talked to for a while today!!! Blessing #19...Reconnecting

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye to dad was a special time for all of us with many mixed emotions. We were glad that he wasn't suffering anymore and we were sad that we were going to be missing him so much. The day of the viewing, mom and all of the us kids went to go and dress dad and then mom sat with all of us by dad and gave each of us letters that dad had written to us and a letter from her and a copy of Dad's patriarchal blessing which after I read it, realized that dad had fulfilled his mission on the Earth. It was like a check list with everything checked off! We had the viewing on that night of the 17th and then the funeral on the 18th. My older kids sure had a hard time that night. I felt for them. They are some of the oldest grand kids and have a lot of memories with grandpa. It was an emotional time for them. After the viewing was over, Jeff said that to listen to all of us, you would have thought that we were having a party instead of a viewing. There was a lot of memories shared with those that walked through the line and to see dad and even laughter. That's how dad would have wanted it. My mom said that he would have liked that party. It was so precious to meet some of the people that dad and mom talked about and have them mention how special dad was and the impact that he made on their lives.

The next day at the funeral, was harder than I expected. Someone came through and said that this is the hardest part and in my mind I kind of laughed at her, but then when we followed dad into the chapel, the floodgates opened and I didn't stop crying until it was over! I guess that it was bound to happen sometime. It was amazing though. Being on the stand with my only sister and all of my brothers and sharing that time in unity remembering dad was something that I will cherish forever! Daddy (the cruise director) was very prepared and had given us topics to speak on and even time limits so that the funeral wasn't too long. Everyone did such a great job! When I would look down at mom, I knew that she was going to miss him, but the joy that I could see on her face for her family overpowered that day and she was smiling knowing that dad was there smiling with her. Everyone did a great job remembering and honoring dad.

Thank you again for all of your support, kindness and friendship that we have felt through this time. I don't know what I would have done without all of you that helped and gave us kind words and offers to help.

Dad

Blessing # 18 DAD

On Sunday, near 6:00 p.m., Dad finally left us to go to the other side. We are sad to have lost him, but at peace that he is at peace. I am happy that he is no longer in any pain and excited for him to join family members that have gone before him. I have invisioned him many times jumping for joy to be free of pain and to be surrounded by all the people that he mentioned numerous times that he was excited to see and other that he was anxious to meet! I am sure that there were people there that he did temple work for and so ready to thank dad personally for that work. Dad had been super prepared and had all of his matters in order and so we are just following the plan at this point. We call him the cruise director. He was always good at making plans and following through in an organized manner. It has been special to be surrounded by all of my siblings and helping mom go forward with dad's plans. It is definitely bitter sweet. There are moments that we cry, but most moments are spent reminiscing and laughing about happy memories. Mom is an angel who helped my dad through these past years that he fought this great fight. She was always by his side and dong what she does best-taking care of dad. He is going to have to learn to take care of himself without her. He will miss her-I know that for sure! She is being so strong and I love her for setting such an example of strength and enduring to the end. I know that there is more enduing to come-but after watching her this last little while, she can handle it and do so with flying colors.

The viewing is tonight and the funueral is tomorrow morning. I am sure that some emotions will flood our family in the next couple of days. I shed quite a few while I was preparing my talk for the funueral services. I am excited to tell everyone about the amazing man that I know. They will have all known him in their own ways too. I have recieved a lot of phone calls, cards, and e-mails that I have appreciated so much. I hope that I can remember to thank all of you individually. Thank you so much!! I have felt much support and concern from others at this time and it has meant a lot to me. More than I can express.

Dad, I love you, I miss you, I hope that I can be the person that you taught me so well to be. Please watch over our family and build mom a big mansion in that sky! Until we meet again...

Blessing #18 DAD

http://www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=249149&fh_id=10831

Blessing #17

This morning after I put the milk in the pantry and the cereal box in the fridge, I decided that I needed to blog about something totally mindless today! I am extremely behind on my blessings for the year too. So.......Peanut Butter and chocolate! I love you! When I get to heaven, one person I would like to meet is the person who first put peanut butter and chocolate together for all of us to enjoy in our earthly bodies! THANK YOU!!!! My husband has been getting healthier lately, and this might seem like a contradiction, but he is craving sweets more. Almost every night, he either wants a candy bar or ice cream in some form. He brought me something home from DQ the other night that is almost too sacred to mention-but it is their new Nut 'n' Fudge Waffle Bowl Sundae. If you like pb and choc, you should try it....HEAVENLY!!! I don't think that I breathed while I ate it!! One night, we were at the convenience store and I saw the Reese's section all together and although it took me while, I chose one of these scrumptious candy bars as my treat! Of coarse if Jeff is having a treat...I need one too! This combination has helped me through some really tough times lately. I know that food shouldn't comfort me, but I have to tell ya that it does!!!! Blessing #17-Peanut Butter and Chocolate! YUMO!!!

Quick Update

It has been so long since I have been blogging regularly! I know that I have mentioned that my life is just different right now-so I guess that means my blogging frequency suffers as well-but I had a moment this morning so I wanted to do a quick update on things that have been happening.

Mack's Field trip to the Zoo

What a crazy fun day! I was one of the first "hot"days of the year and then it instantly got cold the next day and so we were blessed to have the great weather. It was a fun day. At the school, I got put in charge of the craziest group of boys that you can imagine...Mack got to ride the bus there which was a "trip" in itself. He got to see a baby camel fed by a bottle, pet and brush the goats, see a snow leopard (which at the IF zoo-if you get see him is a good day at the zoo-he's usually hiding), the lions, the tigers, zebras, and some really entertaining monkeys. Interesting fact: Did you know that when a baby zebra is born, the baby and mom stare at each other for hours memorizing each other strips so that they can identify each other. That is how they tell each other apart...it isn't the smell as you might think. Isn't that sweet?
Family...Family...and more Family!

We are having a lot of fun with our family coming in from out of town. It has been so much fun! One weekend my brothers Jon, Joe, and Ben came to visit and we all went to the sand dunes. It was such a blast hanging out with my family and just doing something fun. We also had family pictures taken with everyone. Pretty special because it may be our last with daddy. It was quite fun too and I just love seeing the pictures. I think of that saying "All Because Two People Fell in Love"! Dad and mom, look what you did!!!!

On Memorial Day weekend, Jeff's brother and family came to visit and we had a nice visit with them. The boys went golfing while the girls went shopping, we ate lots of food, had our annual greedy game that we usually play at Christmas but not everyone was there in Dec, watched the annual family movie, went to visit Galen's grave (his Birthday was Saturday), and a lot of fun was had by all! It was special to remember Galen this weekend on his birthday weekend and on Memorial Day. Over and over again, I keep thinking how much fun it is to have everyone together, no matter which side of the family it is. Family is amazing, special, essential, and it is no wonder that it is part of the plan of happiness!
Mack's Graduation!

Last but not least...Mack graduated from Kindergarten the last week of school (Hallelujah school's out!!!) and the school and teachers did such a great job putting it together. Mack's Dad, Mom, and Grandma Nelson were able to attend. My mom and dad were missed dearly. They had the kids march in to the gym to the graduation march song and then they sang songs and presented the kids with their diplomas and a little grad bear. One of the songs that they did was the Hokey Pokey. They were asked to go and choose someone from the audience and we were betting on who Mack would choose and sure enough, he chose dad. Thank heaven! It was so fun to watch my boys put their back sides in and shake them all about!! They had spots for us to take pictures and then refreshments afterwords. We got some pictures with mom and Dad, Grandma, the principal, and his teacher, Mrs. Koehler. It was a fun and special way to end that year.

Lately...

SO...my life is different lately. I had a friend say to me recently when I said that my life isn't "normal" anymore that she has decided that the older she gets the more she has to adjust her "normal" more and more. I thought that that was good insight. The same friend told me that she is always surprised at how much our parents were able to keep from us while we were growing up. Who knew when you were a child that rough times were going to come? It is our job as parents to protect our children from some of the harsh things in life, but I wish in a way that I was more prepared and was more on the up and up about things of life that could happen. I guess that no one can really prepare for some of the things that are happening in my life right now. One thing that I can always count on is the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. It is consistent. It never changes. It helps me handle the bumps along the way.

I feel a little glazed over and not sure how I am existing right now. I will be listening to something one of my children are saying and I find myself asking them to repeat what they said because I was totally not listening the first time. Then, I have to make a conscience effort to listen the second time. I looked up at Quentin on the stand on Sunday and wondered when the last time was that I sat and just talked to him about what was going on in his life. I feel like I am just surviving right now. I pray that everyone around me will forgive me for "checking out" and let me back in when things get a little more smooth. If I am not over at mom and dads, then that is all I am thinking about while I am away. I try to forget and distract myself...but it doesn;t work.

I am making things sound so grim. I guess that losing a loved one does that to you. However, this time is just a short moment in the great scheme of things and I am so grateful and feel privileged to be able to participate so actively in what's happening with my father and my mom too. My adorable, precious daddy is dying right before my eyes. It is hard. It is time consuming. It is ALL consuming. It is special. It is sacred. I know that I will look back on this time and be grateful that I had the time that I had with him. He progressively gets worse everyday and we have been waiting for "the moment" for weeks now. The doctor and the Hospice nurses have been saying "any day" now for a few weeks and it is frustrating that he still has to struggle along with my mom. However, I thank Heavenly Father for each day that he gives me to say I love you one more time and kiss his skinny bald head. The other day, I told him that I loved him and he said to me; "Not as much as I love you!" I will treasure that forever. He has said a lot of sweet things to everyone and the hugs and kisses that he gives my mom...no one would ever doubt his love for her nor their love for one another. It is precious and I am glad that I can partake in so many moments.

He has gotten a little confused and not as lucid as he used to be. The other day, he had a hard time signing one of his books for me. I don't even think that he can read anymore, but there are those few moments that the old dad comes back and makes a joke or remembers something from the past that he brings up, etc. He is being called to the other side and no one knows when it will happen. It is on HIS time table not ours. He's ready, and moms ready, we are all ready to see him go and start a new mission that he has in store. I know that when he is gone, we will have new emotions that will arise, but look back fondly at the memories that we are still creating.